Script development
After my meeting with Steve he made it clear that he thought the idea for my screen play was good, it had a clear beginning, middle and end, however the the structure and story-telling needs to be bolder and more surprising. He pointed out that the set up for the meeting between Lucy and Matt is rushed and that the thought that Lucy wants a date is an after thought.
As some pointers for improvement he suggested I add more visuals to Mave's introduction (such as shots of blood dripping on the floor), and to reveal Mave's face as the final shot. Steve also pointed out how unrealistic it would be to have a sudden news report about hate crimes against the LGBTQ community. Finally he recommended that Matt's parents either get seen on screen or I get rid of them all together.
When doing the rewriting of my script I added bits for each character individually:
Gary: I gave Gary more time on screen which allowed me to help added to his character's personality. Through adding Matt's father in script it meant I could set up Gary's way of talking more, I made him blunt and to the point my thinking behind this was that he would be at the end of his tether with Matt's fathers behaviour. In my character profiles I had mentioned that Gary and Matt have a very close relationship (almost as father and child), because of this I wanted to attempt to demonstrate that he was defending his own child.
Mark: I added Mark's character to the script in the rewrite to have a visual representation of Matt's family environment. I made him crass and rude towards his own son in an effort to show Matt's homophobic family environment.
Lucy: Lucy's character didn't change much between the script and the re-write, I actually found it harder then I thought to write an underlying love interest between the two characters and so kept her the same.
Matt/Mave: The main change for Matt's character in terms of the script is the pronouns I used, after my research into pro-nouns I decided that if Matt were a real person they would prefer to have "They", "Them" and "Their" pro-nouns as apposed to traditional male pronouns.
As some pointers for improvement he suggested I add more visuals to Mave's introduction (such as shots of blood dripping on the floor), and to reveal Mave's face as the final shot. Steve also pointed out how unrealistic it would be to have a sudden news report about hate crimes against the LGBTQ community. Finally he recommended that Matt's parents either get seen on screen or I get rid of them all together.
When doing the rewriting of my script I added bits for each character individually:
Gary: I gave Gary more time on screen which allowed me to help added to his character's personality. Through adding Matt's father in script it meant I could set up Gary's way of talking more, I made him blunt and to the point my thinking behind this was that he would be at the end of his tether with Matt's fathers behaviour. In my character profiles I had mentioned that Gary and Matt have a very close relationship (almost as father and child), because of this I wanted to attempt to demonstrate that he was defending his own child.
Mark: I added Mark's character to the script in the rewrite to have a visual representation of Matt's family environment. I made him crass and rude towards his own son in an effort to show Matt's homophobic family environment.
Lucy: Lucy's character didn't change much between the script and the re-write, I actually found it harder then I thought to write an underlying love interest between the two characters and so kept her the same.
Matt/Mave: The main change for Matt's character in terms of the script is the pronouns I used, after my research into pro-nouns I decided that if Matt were a real person they would prefer to have "They", "Them" and "Their" pro-nouns as apposed to traditional male pronouns.
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